Mississippi River Trip: Encounter

We had settled in for the night, both Larisa and I in the tent reading books.  Suddenly she looked up at me and said "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"What was what?" Whatever it was, it wasn't me.  We hadn't had beans for dinner in two days.

"That noise."

"Noise?  I didn't hear any noise."

"It sounded like a dog growling."

"Where?  Across the state line?"

"NO!  It was right there!"  Larisa pointed to the tent behind her indicating the grassy area behind the tent. "It sounded like a very big dog."

"So a big dog growled at you from one foot away and I, two feet away, somehow failed to hear it?"

"You were reading.  You never hear anything when you're reading."

I sighed.  Far be it from me to suggest that Larisa is occasionally overly paranoid...but occasionally she hears monsters where others hear, say....mice.

"SHHH!" I said.  I had heard something too. 

It was the sinister sound of something in the darkness rustling plastic.  It sounded very big.  And everyone knows that Iowa is just packed full of vicious wild animals just waiting for unwary campers.  We shined the headlamps out of the tent in all directions and got an excellent view of the rain tarp I'd spread over the tent.  I put my headlamp on and began to unzip the tent.

"What are you doing?  There's something out there!"  Larisa was sitting up now, headlamp shining in the darkness, one hand holding her pocket knife, the other holding her pepper spray.

"I know,"" I replied.  "I'll go see what it is." 

I grabbed the car keys and remotely unlocked the car, which turned on the headlights, bathing the  picnic table and part of the campground in light.  I picked up the can of bear spray and eased the tent flap open, carefully poking my head out of the tent for a look around.  Then I saw....exactly nothing.  I crawled out of the tent and looked around the tent, shining my light around.  Still nothing.  I told Larisa that I didn't see anything and began to get in the tent.

"Don't you want to point the car more towards the tent?  Just in case?"

Well, I thought, not really.  "Sure baby, hang on a second." I moved the car around, pointing it so that the headlights shone directly on the tent.  I crawled back into the tent.  "There you go, now we can shine light on the monster if it comes back."

"You're not funny.  I'm scared."

"Not funny?  I'm very funny.  Unappreciated.  That's what I am.  I went crawling into the darkness to confront the vicious Iowa wildlife and all I get for thanks is a comment that I'm not funny."  I looked at her and saw that she truly was scared, so I softened my tone.  "I guess it could be a particularly vicious rabbit or something."

"One more comment like that and you'll be sleeping outside with the vicious rabbits."

"Fine," I said.  "I guess it - wait! What was that!" 

The sinister rustling had begun again.  Larisa's eyes were very wide, and I began once again to open the tent.  I did it slowly and quietly this time, preparing myself for whatever terrible sight would await me.  I turned on the headlights again and peered out of the tent...and there it was.  Black fur glistening in the headlights, along pointed snout filled with sharp teeth set below surprisingly human eyes, and shining black claws.  One of the deadly and rancorous Iowa raccoons was rooting through the trash bag. 

"It's a raccoon," I told Larisa.

"A big raccoon?"

"No, just a raccoon.  We forgot to put up the trash.  What was in it?"

"Some of the scraps from dinner and the wrapper from the cheese we finished."  Larisa sighed.  "I didn't know that they could make noises like that."

"Like what?"

"I toldyou.  Like a big dog growling."

"Mmm hmm."  I crawled out of the tent again and started over towards the picnic table.  The raccoon failed to attack me.  I gathered up the trash bag and some other things and put them in the trunk of the car, then went back into the tent.  I kissed Larisa good night and clicked off my headlamp, unwilling to lose concentration on the deadly Iowa wildlife.  We snuggled into our sleeping bags and began to drift off to sleep.  In the distance, the hooting of an owl came drifting across the camp site.